Getting to know you: Maurice Golden MSP

You once told our sister magazine Total Politics you could name the Liberal Democrats in Primary Three. How on earth did that happen?

Yeah, I was always interested in politics and I think even right through primary school. In those days, no one knew who the Liberal Democrats were, it was just Conservatives and Labour. 

But in P3? There must have been some reason you knew about them. A Lib Dem uncle?

No, my entire family, like everyone else in Dundee, were Labour supporting. My grandfather leafleted for Ernie Ross. They were all trade unionists. 

I presume your Lib Dem awakening wasn’t your earliest memory? 

No, my first memory was doing monkey races. You know, when you used to crawl at school sports?

You mean under a net?

No, it was a monkey crawl. I was practising that in the garden when I was about four and I was trying to win the race and went head first into a wall. I cut my head right open, had to go to hospital and get stiches. 

Who were you racing? 

Just some friends from the estate.

Was this ‘monkey racing’ a classic Dundee pastime?

That or football. I was quite good at that versus a flat sprint, so I liked to kind of game it so that I managed to win.

Have you maintained it, then?

I try my best, but it does get more difficult in your thirties...

What were you like at school?

Relatively well behaved, I suppose. I only got two or three letters home over the course of the years, never expelled, so that’s good. 

What did your report cards say?

Could do better. Typical. Except in art, where it said you probably couldn’t do any better, and I failed that. 

You’re known as Mr Recycling. Have you ever committed a recycling faux pas?

When I was over staying with my uncle in Germany. I don’t speak a word of German, and it was so complicated in terms of what you put in where. Obviously not understanding the language doesn’t help facilitate that, so I did the cardinal sin of putting a glass bottle in a plastic bottle bank. 

How did the Germans react to that?

Outrage. 

What’s the worst pain you’ve ever experienced?

I tore my  ligament ten months ago. I’ve played 21 seasons of amateur football, and this has been the 21st. I was out on the pitch and with no rhyme or reason why it just ruptured. I had to get carried off, I couldn’t get home from the match and had to get picked up. 

Have you always played for the same team?

No, in my younger days, I used to play Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings, sometimes Sunday afternoons as well, but over the last four or five years, it’s become just Saturday amateurs. I moved obviously from playing in the Dundee amateur leagues through to playing in the Glasgow amateur leagues. 

Do you ever worry that Douglas Ross will turn up and wave a flag at you?

He’s a ruthless referee, or assistant referee, linesman, or something. You have to get the terminology right. Making sure the terminology is right and his hair is right, he’s very particular about those two aspects.

What’s your biggest fear?

I’m frightened of spiders. When I worked in Australia, I managed to avoid seeing one the whole time I was out there. That delighted me. I thought there’d be loads.

Isn’t the fear that they crawl out of the toilet and bite your bum?

That is a big fear. I would check quite a lot – obviously only if required, if you get my drift.

Guilty pleasure?

Dairy Milk with fruit and nut in it. Carb-tastic. 

Do you have an opinion on the outrage about the new recipe? People are saying the new owners have taken the milk out of it.

I think we might put that in with the moon landing and other conspiracy theories. It tastes great.  

Sometimes in the canteen they have macaroni cheese with chips and garlic bread. It’s lovely, far too many carbs! But a real guilty pleasure.

Presumably, you don’t eat that before having to take part in a debate in the chamber? 

Sometimes you need it to get through it.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever had?

Related to politics and getting elected, it’s that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. That’s probably true of life as well. If it takes you fifteen years to get elected, like I did, it’s certainly true. 

So where do you want to end up?

In government, ideally. 

Your most treasured possession?

My iPhone. It’s the way I communicate with the world. I need to check it. I do sometimes go on walks and am not able to be contacted on it, and you need to condition yourself that that’s OK, because you can get involved. 

Do you use your phone for anything other than work? Any games on there?

Yes, I play Championship Manager. In broad terms, since games first came out I’ve played Championship Manager. Even 20 years ago, I played football management games and Civilization, and I’ve pretty much just played the same two games for 20 years. 

What do you dislike about your appearance?

Grey hairs. And more is coming. 

Dream dinner date?

Winston Churchill. I just saw the Darkest Hour movie, and all those put-down lines he came up with, it would be amazing to ask him about those. His life was a marathon not a sprint as well, and all the things he achieved.

Just a date with the two of you, then?

Who else could we bring in? Rod Stewart and Mark Knopfler because I’d want some musical legends as well.

What would you all talk about?

Brothers in Arms. Discuss!

Not William Wallace, then? You’d listed him in Total Politics...

Well, we went to the same school in Dundee [apparently true!] so that would be good. And Braveheart is one of my favourite films. I’ve watched it 36 times.

Last book you read?

Al Gore’s book The Assault on Reason. It was excellent. In was interesting in terms of how to make an impact as a parliamentarian. He talks about legislation and how you can get to a stage where you’re not thinking about the amendments, you’re just going in and reading what a researcher has sent you. He says that is denigrating the position.