Sketch: MSPs get off track

The year was 1999 and Mark Ruskell was hanging around an abandoned railway station.

This wasn’t particularly unusual behaviour from the then aspiring MSP, it seemed. On this occasion it was an abandoned station in Alloa. So why was Green MSP Mark Ruskell – then a normal member of the public, or at least, a member of the public – lurking in an abandoned train station, keeping in mind he isn’t an abandoned train?

The reason, as he informed the chamber during a recent debate on local rail provision, was that there was an election on.

“I remember that when I first stood for election to Holyrood all those years ago, back in 1999, I fought my way through the undergrowth at the abandoned railway station at Alloa, holding a huge map of the Mid Scotland and Fife region that displayed all the rail lines that had been closed in the Beeching era”, he explained.

That’s right, he wasn’t just hiding in an old station, he had a giant map too. Ruskell was fighting his way through the undergrowth at an abandoned railway station holding a giant map because he wanted to win over voters.

A classic campaign technique. Some leaflet, some launch social media campaigns, others prefer the traditional ‘hide out in an abandoned building till the election is over’ approach. The only other option would have been to hide under some coats in the campaign office. Or go out for biscuits and then not come back.

Sadly, the bad news is that the technique was unsuccessful, despite Ruskell’s obvious dedication. The good news is that it paid off eventually, with the MSP winning his seat in 2003, which is a really long time to spend hiding in a station.

But MSPs were obviously impressed. For example, Colin Smyth announced it was “a subject that the parliament does not discuss often enough”. Which is probably true, to be fair. This was the first time that Ruskell had opened up about his wont for loitering in abandoned railway stations, and now he had gone public it was gratifying to see MSPs giving the matter the scrutiny it deserved.

In fact, they were all grateful for the story, with Green MSP Ross Greer thanking him for giving “those of us who spend a comical amount of our time dealing with the rail lines in our region a chance to either celebrate recent progress or use the debate as a form of group therapy if such progress is not happening”.

It did seem an ideal occasion for group therapy, to be fair. And apparently there are a lot of benefits to improving the train network. As Greer explained: “Improving our rail network is key to tackling the climate emergency. However, it is also key to tackling issues of public health such as air pollution and road safety, and to the social justice agenda, which says that the ability to travel, to reach the wider community and access services should not depend on the ability to run a car.”

So there are all sorts of advantages, basically, not least the fact that if old stations were in use then Ruskell wouldn’t be able to hide in them.

Well, in the end his quest was successful, with Ruskell explaining his decision to squat in Alloa railway station paid off ten years later.

“It took a leap of imagination to believe that the Stirling to Alloa line could reopen, but it did – successfully – in 2009, through strong leadership from Clackmannanshire Council and the vision of the community.”

So at least that’s the whole thing finished with. He got what he wanted and he can stay out the stations.

Or so you would hope. “A decade on from that reopening”, he added, somewhat ominously: “It is time to look at the map again.”

They should lock them or something.