Sketch: ‘Absurd’ debate attracts only the SNP

The Greens aren’t just annoyed. They’re peeved. Mega-peeved. Nothing makes a Green see red more than not being able to recycle.

And if they can link it to the constitution, well, then all the better. So, it was no surprise when Lorna Slater came into parliament yesterday afternoon, practically wearing boxing gloves and ready to go toe-to-toe with UK ministers.

They were scorching the earth (not an intentional climate change pun) with their interference into Scotland’s deposit return scheme, Slater said. The Scottish Government was being “sabotaged”, she claimed. And devolution is under “sustained attack”, she insisted. Fierce language indeed.

To be fair to Chapman, few would disagree with that analysis. The whole thing is absurd

And so it was with some surprise when, later that afternoon, Green MSP Maggie Chapman came into the chamber to laugh at the idea the recycling was causing such problems for devolution. “It is indeed absurd that such a constitutional crisis should be caused by a simple recycling scheme,” she said. And to be fair to Chapman, few would disagree with that analysis. The whole thing is absurd.

But mere second later, Chapman seemed to lose that clarity. “Let’s be honest,” she said, “we all know this isn’t about glass bottles or recycling. This is about the Tories’ fundamental and long-standing opposition to the principle of devolution.” Of course, the Conservatives, the constitution and rubbish – all the things that really get the Greens going. Or at least this Green; no others had stayed for the evening debate.

Not that that stopped the SNP from attacking other opposition parties for not turning up. Speaker after speaker was deeply angry that there were only a handful of Tories and Labour MSPs in the room, and no Lib Dems at all.

But then perhaps they don’t consider the Greens to be a separate party anymore. They should really be more grateful since the debate was only going ahead because of Chapman’s involvement. If she hadn’t signed the motion on "Protecting Devolution and the Scottish Parliament", there would be no cross-party support for it at all.

Still, SNP depute leader Keith Brown got to have a moment in the limelight. Since his kicking out of Cabinet, he’s had a lot of time on his hands, so why not stoke some constitutional grievance?

He played all the classics, like Brexit being something “Scotland never voted for” and Westminster trying to “claw back powers”. The SNP backbenchers turned out in droves to hear their Glorious (Depute) Leader – it’s just unfortunate that even Brown sounded bored by what he was saying. Applause was muted, robotic.

Thankfully, John Swinney was available to gee up the troops. Much more adept at this than Brown, the former deputy first minister told MSPs about the “malicious UK Government” and how the Scottish people must “wake up to the consequences” of Westminster. His speech got a much louder applause.

It seemed to do the job of emboldening the other backbenchers, too. Alasdair Allan said he was alarmed that the last time Westminster had vetoed so much Scottish legislation, “Queen Anne was on the throne”.

Christine Grahame said all that was happening was a “red alert” for anyone who wanted to defend devolution.

And Jim Fairlie paraphrased Robert Burns, telling the room that the Labour Party were the “modern sellers of Scottish rights for English gold” because they never truly wanted devolution, only to stop Scottish independence. The SNP’s support for gradualism appears to have faded with the chances of indy.

Only two pro-Union politicians turned up for the debate – and even they seemed to consider it a waste of time. The usually polite Donald Cameron refused to congratulate Brown for bringing the motion for the debate, as is typically convention. Instead he suggested that “hysteria” was “all they have left”. If devolution was failing, it was because of the SNP, he insisted. Not that anyone in the SNP heard his speech – they were too busy heckling.

Then a weary Sarah Boyack got to her feet and said the debate had so far “lived up” to her low expectations. She called for “grown-up governments” to work together to “get on with the job”. And, naturally, those grown-up governments had to be Labour governments. Never miss a chance to call for an election, these guys.

Minister for Independence Jamie Hepburn was sent to wind up the debate. He didn’t have much to say, given his remit is indy and not devo. But he at least made a commitment in response to calls from Stuart McMillan that the Scottish Government would be “very happy” to bring forward a full debate on this issue in the future. Oh goody. What a treat.